Saturday, June 21, 2008

My Saving Grace


Yesterday afternoon, I had planned my big first ride on my brand new bike. I literally had not even sat on the thing. The guy at the bike shop called me "an easy sell". I looked at it and said, "I'm just gonna take it" This photo isn't my actual bike, but it looks just like this one. Squint your eyes and think "Shiny sleek black all over with sparkly delicious banana seat".
So I was all ready to go. To take my gal on her maiden voyage. Alas, trouble arose and I fell into a shitty mood. A horrible, dehabilitating funk that made me just want to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself all afternoon. I felt that was my only cure. Good ol' Todd made me feel stupid about wanting to do this and suckered me into putting my ass on that delicious banana seat with promises of treating me to coffee.

It is at this point where describing my day becomes tricky. I immediately biked off into the parking lot near our house and did some wobbly circles, gaining my "bike legs" back after years of only using my legs for such things as walking, dancing and occasionally tripping on things. The magical, childlike, FREE AND HAPPY feeling that poured all over me was so powerful and weakening at the same time. Completely overwhelming. Instantly, I began telling jokes, laughing, and yelling at people (mostly Todd). And he held true to his promise. We biked down to the Botanical Gardens where Andre works for a cup of coffee and a nice break before heading back to town.


In the beginning, moving out here was supposed to prove how independant I was and how "in control" of my own affairs I was. When it came to fruition, however, I felt more trapped and helpless than ever. These feelings came as such a shock to me and I didn't really understand how to deal with this. I thought many times that I had made the wrong decision coming out here, but time and reflection tells me that it has been the right decision and that I need to stick to my convictions. And as silly as it sounds, this bike is the objectification of everything I was looking to achieve/become when I came out here. Those feelings I felt when first getting on my bike, were the feelings I wanted when I first got here. Of course, in retrospect, it's naive to expect that right away without any work towards it.

To be completely honest, being out here has been really hard on me for the most part. The move to the other side of the country has been far from easy. I never expected it to be easy, I just never expected it to be this hard either. But as each day comes, I feel myself finding more and more positive things in my current situation. I am also starting to feel a small sense or pride in myself for sticking it out at a point where I could have easily left at the first (or second or third...) sign of bad waters. I ultimately see myself striding at full pace to accomplish something I set out to do that I had never attempted before.

It's amazing to me, how this bike was almost a religious experience for me.

Anyway, I don't know if much of that made sense or flowed properly, but there it is.
In other news, I'm looking at doing some sort of cleansing or detox. Do you guys have any tips for me? I'm not looking to purchase a ton of medicinal herbs/oils/shitlikethat (seeing as there's nowhere to buy them in Tofino).


Sarah said...

OH YAY! Detox and Cleanse, this is where Sarah D comes in. First I need to know, do you want to do something like a fast (not eating at all), do you want to buy a detox kit, or would you like to do something like a fresh juice cleanse? I'm here to help!

Sarah said...

ps. your bike is really cool

Lindsay said...

Dear Sarah. I knew I could count on you!

I'm looking to do a not too intense one, as I've never done it before and I eat fairly shitty. I was thinking a 7 day one, but I would like to still be able to attend work. I think because of this, I would need to still be eating something.

Lindsay said...

Also, have you ever had a colonic?

Sarah said...

Okay then i suggest a one week raw food/herbal tea/fresh juice cleanse. only eating fresh organic veggies and i'd suggest just a wee bit of fruit, try and keep it mostly veggies. lots of herbal teas (no caffeine) and fresh veggie juices (try for ones that are super cleansing with veggies such as beets, celery or greens).
I haven't had a colonic, but i know a fantastic colonic therapist in NS whom i'd suggest to you. If i could afford one, i'd totally get one! Does any of the detox stuff help you? Do you have further questions? I'd suggest this diet with a good detox tea ( a boxed tea with blended herbs specifically for detoxing) and you'll be good to go! you must have access to some health food products in tofino no?

.Tom. said...

Oh gwad I hope its okay I read your blog.
But this demands comment.
I just just just got home from purchasing and riding my brand new hundred dollar bike from Candian tire. I just just just have had what sounds like very similar thoughts about my own move out here.
Due to endorphines I don't really know what to say except I'm really glad I stumbled onto your story and am now thinking about it.
The end.
Tom Gibson.

Lindsay said...

Sarah- Thanks for your input! Tomorrow I'm going to look into working out a one week scheduled diet sort of thing. I may be emailing/messaging you with more questions. Tofino's options are limited as the only natural grocery store was closed for the last little while with renovations.

Tom-Blogs are for reading! I'm glad you found me, and I'm glad that my real life story didn't sound farfetched and exxagerated to someone! Where are you living right now?

b said...

sarah, and lindsay.
i want to do this shit too.
i researched on it, and it sounds neato.
sarah:can i work out and do this? thats probably not a good idea? i dont know anything and also need your help[.
thanks lindsay for bringing this to my attention, we should email about it.


brokes said...

hey Lindsay,
This blog is so inspiring! I've been in such a weird depressed mood for no real reason that i can think of for the past week and a half, but I went biking with Robyn and Amir yesterday and for those moments when I was just flying down the street, feeling carefree with some anthemic song in my head, I felt so much better. I just borrowed Amir's bike yesterday but I've got my own old bike in town now and I'm going to get it tuned up tomorrow and I'm gonna ride it everywhere and pedal away all my worries.
Anyways, I loved this:
"The magical, childlike, FREE AND HAPPY feeling that poured all over me was so powerful and weakening at the same time."
Good to hear you're doin' well, keep biking and I'm sure you'll feel awesome!

black ribbons said...

another option is the liver-cleansing diet. There's no need for any special foods or drinks, it's a book and it goes longer than a week but I felt it to work really well for me. I'm coeliac, though I sometimes still eat a bit of wheat or gluten. So it really helped to just clear out my body. Good luck with your detox/cleanse and keep on riding, it's a beautiful feeling.

Lindsay said...

Becky-I'm gonna make up a one week meal schedule kind of thing. I'll email it to you (and maybe Sarah too) and we can discuss. I feel if I have everything planned out, grocery shopping would be easy that week. And I'll be much more likely to follow it.

Alex-I'm so glad you found a similar experience in biking! I've always had this theory that bouts of mild depression can be helped/cured by a change of habits. Adding in regular physical activity, picking up hobbies, change of diet, etc. I've never really been depressed so it was just a theory but this is the closest I've come to solid facts. You know what would rule? BIKERIDING PLAYLISTS

Black Ribbons- I have been reading up a bit on the liver cleanse, and may incorporate some of that into the diet plan I work up. Thanks for the input. Also, I am living with two Aussies right now!!

AngelaAlways said...

dear lindsay,
i loved reading this. i am glad you have seen how amazing what you've been doing is. it is so hard making such a drastic move. when i came over here, it was so hard for such a long time, and i kept thinking "really? can i really handle this?" and one thing after another kept happening, which just sort of put into place the reasons why i had done it. now, i can't see myself having ever NOT done it. and bike riding, so amazing. i have not had a bike since i've moved over here, and today sam bought one, which was awesome, because i got to ride it. i totally get what you said about how it felt. on the topic of detoxing as well? i am totally doing that the second week of july. (i am not procrastinating, i just have to go teach a week long residential summer school for the first week of july, and this week i am moving) let me know how yours goes. xx

brokes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
brokes said...

Oh, I definitely think some lifestyle changes are in order. Maybe I'm just bummed cause I stopped going to the gym? I always felt good after a good run and liftin' weights, so maybe the bikeriding will get that feeling back! I hope it's back from the shop tomorrow and not Wednesday so I can go ASAP. Also, James Reid and I are going splits on a weekly box of organic produce that's gonna start arriving on Wednesday, so hopefully I'll be cooking more interesting things and a good diet will keep me posi!

b said...

SOUNDS G-R-E-A-T! i love you you you you.

alex-robyn and i are coming out with a recipe zine with tons of good shit, so you will have some recipes to work with!